Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Poem My Granddaughter Loves

My granddaughter, Alecia, pictured above, posted this poem on her Facebook page.  I liked it and am posting it here. Seems several of my friends had already discovered it and I was the last one to the party.




The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

by
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

copyright © 1999 by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.  http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Watching Anta Cook



Mother and Son

Well, so far, so good.  I am referring to mother-in-law, Anta’s, visit with us.  Our refrigerator is full to the brim with vegetables, ground walnuts (for baking), meat, French bread, special margarine (Smart Balance with olive oil), half and half.  The cupboard now has Crisco Oil and Uncle Ben’s Rice in it.  The counter has lots of new things on it--a coffee cup filled with cold coffee and topped with a paper towel; a paper plate with a plastic bag full of fortune cookies; a round box of little nutty cookies; a sugar bowl topped with a saucer.  We have the number of the Turner Movie Classics channel memorized and the times of Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.  There is a lawn chair with a blanket installed in the garage with a tin can for cigarette ashes and butts.

We have taken Anta (short for Antigone) to the Snoqualmie and Muckleshoot casinos where she had moderate luck at the video poker machines.  She was through with Snoqualmie pretty quickly because the machine “wasn’t giving”, but liked Muckleshoot better.  I had better luck with my machine of choice, something about Neptune, at Snoqualmie and the view there is infinitely better, but serious video poker players don’t give a hoot about the view, except as a nice place to smoke.

The first full day Anta was here we took her to Costco, where she was in paroxysms of delight over the meat section and bought lamb chops with top sirloin reserved for next week’s shopping and then to Central Market in Poulsbo where she fondled the artichokes and bought peaches, pears, strawberries, peppers, Italian parsley and five bags of Stonebridge cookies.  Michael and I kept eyeing the growing pile in the grocery basket and wondering where we were going to store all the stuff and more importantly, who was going to eat it.

Yesterday, Anta made her “famous Greek Coffee Cake”, which is a huge slab of spices, nuts and cognac soaked raisins held together by a half white flour, half wheat flour batter, moistened with orange juice, eggs and olive oil.  This is the same cake I make for my husband for his birthday—he loves it better than all others.  Anta knows how to please her boy.  The cake is so huge it might still be around when his birthday comes in November.

And her boy has been trying hard to please his Mom, too.  He gave her his iTouch, loaded games on it he thought she would like, and taught her how to use it.  Now she is playing Solitaire on the little device when she’s not cooking, smoking or at a casino.  She even plays it while she’s got the old movie channel on, but she does stop for the game shows.  Playing a game while watching a game is too much for an 82-year-old.  Today Michael is taking her for a ride in the little red Miata.  They will go to the commissary and buy cigarettes and maybe some Retsina and I’d bet, more food.  Even at 82 a Greek woman is always thinking about what she wants to cook next.

Tomorrow night we will bring my Mom over to visit with Michael’s Mom.  They know each other pretty well.  They shared a cabin when we took them on a cruise to Alaska a few years ago.  They are both the same size, tiny, and it’s fun to listen to them talk.  My Mom is always interested in Anta’s stories about WW II and how it affected her and Greece.  I guess I’m on tap for making dinner for them, but it's scary to cook in front of the expert.  I’ll have to do something Anta never cooks—Mexican food maybe.

Before mother and son go on the convertible ride we are scheduled to make cookies—Melomakarona—Greek honey cookies.  I’ve had them every Christmas, but I’ve never watched Anta make them—it’s a complicated process of baking and soaking in a honey mixture, and rolling in nuts, so I’m anxious to learn.  I will not be able to stand on my step stool and help pour the ingredients into the bowl like granddaughter, Ali, does with me.  I’ll have to keep my distance and watch closely, maybe even take notes.

Sometimes visits from mother-in-law, Anta, or to her house, can be a little bit fraught.  She, like her son, (and like her daughter-in-law, truthfully) has strong opinions and voices them loudly, like all hot-blooded Mediterranean’s. There have been times when I have not bitten my tongue and dared to enter the fray, but that has never turned out well.  I lack that ability to yell without getting truly angry.  So my tongue is being bitten, but this visit seems a little mellower.  There hasn’t been so much opinion being flung around, just a lot of flour and meat.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Deaf



Mother-in-law is visiting so not much time to write or even think, so it'll be this kind of thing or nothing for 2 weeks.  I find this hilarious since I am half-deaf myself.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Tape of the Gods



Found at the Taco Time Women's Restroom--the Taco Time across
 from Central Market in Poulsbo

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Last Length of Life




At a little pond in the woods
I decided; this is the last length
of my life. I threw a big stick far out,
to be all the burdens from earlier years.
Ever since,  I have been walking
lightly, looking around, out of the woods.
William Stafford

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Waste Not Want Not







An old high school chum and I were talking at a recent lunch about our desire to write.  He likes my blog and I like the blog he was writing while he was traveling in Viet Nam and the surrounding area earlier this summer.  He had stopped posting midway through his trip and he has been urged by several friends about finishing the trip for them, via the blog.  He told me his problem was “finding the time to write”.
That is my problem, too.  Finding the time, as if there is some magic time, a bagful, that is hidden, under the couch, or behind the door, or in the kitchen cupboard, that, if I could just locate it, I could use for writing.  I told him I had been analyzing the ways I waste time.
Wasting time--like it was garbage--a little here, a little there, until the day is gone and at the end there is more in the garbage heap than there is in the “something worthwhile done” bin.  I live by the Protestant Ethic, even though I am not a Protestant.  For me anyway, the Protestant Ethic is:  get work done before engaging in pleasure.  Pleasure is my reward for working hard. Work includes washing dishes, cleaning floors, gardening, washing clothes, paying bills, grocery shopping, making important phone calls, making dinner, helping my husband with a job, doing stuff for my mom, exercising.  Pleasure is playing with my granddaughters, getting on the computer, checking email and answering it, going out to coffee or lunch with friends, reading other people’s blogs, reading the newspaper, doing a crossword puzzle, playing Angry Birds http://www.rovio.com/index.php?page=angry-birds on my iTouch, taking photographs, putting the photos on my Flickr site or organizing them, reading, reading, reading books or magazines or books about writing, taking a drive in the Miata.  And then there is the writing.  I love writing, but with all the work things and all the pleasure things I haven’t created a little envelope of time for writing.
I can’t even remember when I first wanted to “write”.  I wrote a magazine in junior high for me and my friend, Anne, called “McCake” (after McCalls)--many pages, articles, fiction, pictures.   I loved Mrs. Southworth’s composition class, but I didn’t think I was as good a writer as others in the class.  I kept a daily diary then and dropped that practice when I got married and had kids, starting up again in the late sixties, but graduated to journals, which didn’t require writing every day and had a larger format for longer reflection.  Sometimes I wrote down a description of a character I saw on the ferry, in Seattle, on the side of the road.  Occasionally I wrote a long piece about an experience.  I attended a writer’s group for a year.  I went to a couple of writer’s journal workshops taught by a friend, who was a published writer.  I just wrote, never saying to myself, “I want to be a writer”.  Until I started my blog in October of 2005 .  Pretty late in the game.  But why not?

Okay, so.....this is supposed to be about wasting time and I just did something that could either be considered wasting time or research, depending on the spin I put on it.  I went to my blog to see just how long ago I started it and began reading some of the oldest posts and some of the comments and then I started getting nostalgic because one of the regular commenters was my old friend, Jim Morgan, who died a few years back and his friend, Brownshoes (her blogger name), who used to comment but hardly does anymore, even though we are now “computer friends”, we never see each other anymore.  And so it goes, turning left at the path and sliding down the rabbit hole of memories, and the time for writing gets eaten, like a delicious little cookie.
The idea here was to list the “time-wasting” activities and give the rationalizations for them.  So here goes:
 Reading and answering email.
Communicating is good for my writing, inspirational sometimes, but reading all the “funnies” people send is pretty much a waste, though I hate to blow people off by not reading them.  On the other hand, would they ever know?  Would they cut me off?
 Reading the newspaper from cover to cover.
Again, good for writing--keeping up on current news, culture and how the world is evolving.  And I have to know what is happening with Adam Lambert this week.
 Doing crossword puzzles.
Good for the brain and for vocabulary--doing them every day?--maybe not productive.  I'm the kind who must finish it, to prove I can.
 Reading other people’s blogs.
Particularly important for the writer in me.  What are others writing about, what are they doing with their blogs and their pages?  To me it is research.  Are they better than me?
 Looking through the dozens of catalogs that come for me in the mail.
Total and utter waste of time, unless I find a hairdo I want to copy, that is, or a shirt, or pants, or.....
 Reading the Quality Book Club and Book of the Month news.
Not doing it anymore.  I canceled them both.  In a month or so they will try to lure me back with free books.
 Going to lunch with friends.
Not giving this up.  A person who could be a hermit (such as I) must get out and be with people--besides I might spot a good “character study” at a cafe or coffee shop, like the older (than me) couple who were playing three handed cribbage with a younger man at the coffee shop while drinking their favorite brew.  And talk with friends is inspirational, too.  Who could make up a character like red-headed, big busted Mary, the Maintenance Woman, with a heart of gold and a mouth like a sailor?
 Playing  the game “Angry Birds” on my iTouch.
This is one I’m struggling with.  Do I keep playing because the little screeching birds who are trying to obliterate the pigs that took their eggs makes me laugh out loud and it’s challenging?  Or is it eating into time I could be doing something more important?  Is there something more important that I could be doing between 4:30 and 5:00 in the afternoon?  Lots can happen in 30 minutes--I could read an article in a writing book or magazine, I could write for 30 minutes on what I’m working on.  I could edit.  But my husband is usually in the room with me, so writing or editing is something I couldn’t concentrate on.  For the time being, I will waste time with Crazy Chickens, as I call it, in the late afternoon and enjoy the belly laughs.

 Reading.
A writer must read.  That’s all there is to that--looking at style, noticing how an author puts words together, strings the plot along, begins, ends, grabs me or doesn’t.  It’s a writing class.  And after class I get to take a little nap.
I hope you understand that this blog post is me working things out--it’s not meant as entertainment, unless you think you are wasting time and want to see how I am making some of it seem important.  My pact with David, the other writer, is meant to be challenging to both of us and he told me to write about the time we waste.  And the word “waste” is subjective--maybe “spend” is a better word to describe what we do all day.  We spend time doing what needs to be done, we decide how to spend the rest and why do we decide in the ways we do?  This is probably totally boring to Dean, and to Dean I apologize.  It also might seem like silly angst to some others, but this is the kind of dissection that a person who likes to write engages in. And since I am writing, it’s not a waste of time.
A few days before talking to David I decided the best way for me to write everyday was to write before I ever opened email, Facebook (communication again, but often excessive), or read blogs, because once I get going on those it’s all over for a couple of hours.  And it’s been working.  Once I get started writing I can’t stop unless I force myself to.  That’s the way it should be, for someone who loves and wants to write.  The future of all these words?  Who knows?  Surely not me, not yet.  For now, it’s a triumph to get a regular schedule established.  If I run out of time for all those other “wasters”, then so be it.