Yesterday was a busy day for Mom. She had physical therapy, occupational therapy, lunch with her table buddies Ted (87, tall, dignified stroke victim) and Tom (65, white haired and bearded with rosy cheeks and a sharp wit, with a disease like MS or Parkinsons) and then, just as she was about to be set free to take a nap, an ultrasound tech came in to take a look at her swollen ankle and foot. This was all between 11:00 and 1:30. They are keeping her busy and she is making progress at getting around with a walker. But she still doesn't want to eat much and prefers to be in her bed, nodding off, but easily wakened if someone says her name.
I talked to Mom's Care Manager, Kathy, yesterday about the sleeping. She said, "Your Mom is 89. Things are starting to shut down". I knew this, intellectually, but having her say it confirmed my intuition. That's why I go almost every day. Every day could be the last day. Or she could go on like this for many months or even years, like my husband's Greek Uncle Manoles, who lived to be 93, and spent his last 2 years sleeping 23 hours out of each day. Mom is not unhappy. She smiles when Stanley and I are with her together, over what we are saying or joking about. She enjoys being taken care of and tells the aides how sweet they are and of course, she notices the handsome young men. I wouldn't be surprised if her last words on this earth will be, "He is so good looking".
Remember, if you are ever in a situation like this, that every patient in any kind of medical facility needs an advocate. Doctors, nurses, aides are overworked, just like the rest of the world. Unless you follow closely what is supposed to be done, it might fall through the cracks. I had accompanied Mom to her doctor's appointment last week, as I have been doing for a couple of years now. Her doctor prescribed an ultrasound of her leg and lab tests, but Northwoods was supposed to do them. So yesterday I checked with the care manager about those things and a few others. The lab tests had been done and she showed me the results, but the ultrasound was in question. She had no record of results, but the nurses station desk person said it had been done. "Get me the results then, please," Kathy said. An hour and a half later an ultrasound tech came in to Mom's room with a portable machine. She had driven all the way from Puyallup. I suspect the test had not been scheduled until I asked about it.
When Mom was in a nursing home for 6 days, 2 years ago, this kind of thing made me very angry, but now I understand the system. Even a high quality facility like Northwoods needs a nudge in the right direction now and then. Bremerton Rehabilitation center, next to Claremont East, is a run-down, badly managed place. I was right to be frustrated. I'd had no choice when Mom was moved at midnight on that stormy night, they had the only open bed in the area. She had not been admitted to the hospital so Medicare wasn't going to cover it and we didn't have the necessary equipment at home to take care of her. At first they wanted us to pony up $8000 up front, but I knew the new manager from a jury duty stint we did together, so she cut me a deal. I paid for 2 weeks rather than 2 months and when I got Mom out in 6 days we got a refund. This time around I knew the Medicare rule about spending 3 days in the hospital before Medicare would pay for a nursing facility and she exceeded that by 6 days. I also know now that there is an Ombudsman I can call if I have frustrations with a nursing agency. I have already worked with the Caregiver Support Center in Silverdale and I know they have answers for many questions, phone numbers and pamphlets and lists. They even have free counseling available when things become too overwhelming. I knew none of this the first time around.
The memory that I will take away from yesterday is Mom saying goodbye to her table mates when she was leaving to go back to her room after lunch: "Bye buddies. It's been nice having lunch with you." And Tom said, "We'll see you at dinner". I do want to be able to get Mom back into her house, with her son and her cat and her familiar bed. I think she wants that more than anything. But it gives me pleasure to see how she is interacting with the other patients. It was the first time I had heard her talk to the fellows she has been dining with every day for a week.
Today I will go to an alumni lunch. I won't visit Mom today, but my brother will. He won't stay as long as I do. He gets uncomfortable in such places. Mom will enjoy his visit and he will get his cookie (or two) from the "visitor's coffee room. I will try not to think I MUST be there today. I know she is being taken care of and they are keeping her busy. One of the aides asked me the other day if my Mom was "always this happy". The answer was and is, yes.
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