I felt like I was in the midst of a marathon yesterday. The day started at 5:00 a.m., quickly out of the gate in order to have some quiet time in the morning before daughter, grandson and husband got up. I had some time to gear up for the day, to drink some coffee, eat some yogurt, do some stretching and think. Everyone else got up at 6:30 and the day had begun.
My daughter and grandson came with me to borrow Mom's car, touched base with Mom and then left my brother and I who were meeting with the Hospice people at 10:00. We met with Mary and Anthony. When I first got sight of Anthony standing in the doorway I knew Mom was going to take a shine to him. His smile was perfectly white and the rest of his face was lovely, too. And I was right. Mom was first introduced to Mary and then I pointed out Anthony. "Oh!" she said, obviously impressed. Immediately she was off and running about how good looking he was. If his skin hadn't been such a deep shade of coffee brown I'm sure we could have seen him blush. We ushered Anthony out of the room before his head swelled to the size of a casaba melon and began our meeting.
I think my brother and I were amazed and gratified with all that Hospice has to offer. The representatives they sent yesterday explained eloquently that Hospice is taking care of the patient as well as the caregivers, that they are available to help in any way possible. I mentioned the phone call I'd gotten from the doctor's office about bringing Mom in for another appointment and Mary said Hospice would take care of any communication between patient and doctor, allowing the patient, Mom, to stay put and not have to go through going to the doctor again. All of her "levels" are low because she is dying. No amount of adding this or that drug is going to change it now. In fact, we eliminated three drugs yesterday, which means the effort to get pills into her, which has been extremely difficult, is over. She will continue the drug for pneumonia and bladder infection because that will take away discomfort, but the others are not necessary anymore.
On Monday a hospital bed will be delivered. I am concerned about how this is going to be accomplished--putting that bed in, getting the other one out. Me, my brother, my husband will be doing the moving and heavy lifting of old furniture.....all of my friends are 67 or still working and Stanley doesn't have friends. and doesn't know his neighbors. It was awful to realize that there are few strong people we can call on when there is a need. I know my husband, when I actually tell him about this, is going to say we can do it with physics and a hand truck. And I know if I can get him to help plan what should be moved and where, that he will do a good job. I am beginning to feel his stress now, as he has me with him fewer and fewer hours in the day. He was hoping for an hour of my help with a project yesterday, but I was unable to be here. He wasn't angry or petulant, but all of this is taking its toll on him, too. He is being supportive and telling me to do what ever I need to do, but still.....
Hospice was with us for 2 hours as we went over all that needed to be explained and decided. Then our caregiver arrived, a different person this time. She went to work giving Mom a bed bath and massaging lotion into her arms and legs and while she did all this she sang. She is a person who already has lived a full life at only 20. She is an old soul, having been in foster care for the first 12 years of her life and then adopted into a large family. When she was on the deck shaking a rug, she was singing. It was joyous to hear. Later she was running out of things to do because I'd already washed the dishes and swept the kitchen, so I asked her if she'd clean Mom's fingernails. Little did I expect that Mom would get her hands and nails soaked and cleaned along with using the file to clean under her nails. It was a mini-manicure and so soothing for Mom. And while she did it, she sang.
It is so beautiful to watch the caregivers gracefully going about their duties. One day a young woman who was caring for Mom expressed an envy of people with artistic talent like my Mom and my brother have, and I stopped her and told her what an incredible talent she has for empathy and compassion. All of these people we have seen since April 4th, except for one blinding exception, have had that most wonderful of gifts. ( The "blinding exception" is no longer working with us, and we learned how to cope with it anyway.) I know my Mom is one of the easier patients they have. She is cooperative, doesn't complain, doesn't demand anything, but I know they have it harder with some and yet they still maintain their optimism and joy in caregiving. I am feeling so blessed that I found out about all of these "angels" who are there to help.
When my daughter was out in Mom's car, cleaning it, washing it, gassing it up, putting air in the tires, she also went to Shari's and bought a cherry pie for Mom. The reason? Because Mom had called out in her sleep the afternoon before: "Cherry Pie!" And every time Mom and I had pie at Shari's her choice was always cherry. When she came back with it we fixed up a tiny bowl of mashed up cherry pie with whipped cream on top so that Mom could have a few bites of one of her favorite tastes. The taste brought back memories of having lunch at Shari's with her best and oldest friend, Gerry. She said, "You know, I bet Gerry doesn't know I'm sick. Maybe you should tell her". And rather than telling Mom again that Gerry had died two years ago, I told her I'd be sure to tell Gerry she wasn't feeling well.
Later in the day Carolyn put an old circa-Forties picture of my Dad on Mom's dresser next to the bouquets we'd been making of lilacs and pink dogwood. He was shirtless, his dark hair wavy, his smile cocky as he lounged on a porch step at the age of 23. The young caregiver was talking about some movie star she admired and Mom pointed out the picture and said, "You see that handsome man there? That was my husband!" She was obviously very proud of the hunky man she'd chosen.
Mary from Hospice said to me, "Your Mom has a strong life spark", and that is so true. We see it every day and I am so happy that I get to see it, that I don't live somewhere far away, that I am right here to be with her.
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