Now and now and now

THEY always say, "Live in the Now". It sounds so simple, but damn it's hard to do. I find myself looking into the future as if I can really tell what's going to happen 3 months, 6 months, 1 year from now and already being worried about what might be happening that far in advance. What a waste of energy. This kind of characteristic really causes havoc when your oldest male friend is diagnosed with cancer. It's freak-out time. I'm not like Bookworm, in that I don't rush to offer advice or movies or books or any of what she is doing, but I am decidedly feeling like I MUST DO SOMETHING!!!!! AND I MUST DO IT NOW, BECAUSE WHO KNOWS??!! I am pretty sure that my freaking out is not being noticed because I'm only doing it in my head, at night, in the morning, when I can't sleep, when nothing else is taking my attention. I can't seem to pull it back and LIVE IN THE NOW. I am grateful for BW and FGs blogs that are telling us, "it's okay. we are doing okay." It helps me more than it helps them, maybe. I need reassurance that I am not needed 24 hours a day, that I may be able to think about other things rather than obsessing about how my two friends are doing. That one day in the real rather than imagined future I will be needed for more than hugs and emails and "check ins". But for now I can actually live my life and they can live theirs and we will overlap in a relatively normal fashion....and not be frantic. I hope I can do that. I'm trying.