Stick Me One More Time

Okay….so…..I am now a believer in Acupuncture! I experienced my first session with the Lovely Lori Lee today. I have a stiff, sore neck—maybe a pinched nerve—maybe a painful tense neck the result of tension over sick friends and retirement coming and who knows what else? The fact is it hurts like hell and I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning in such a way as to avoid awful pain like my neck was going to freeze in place or my head was going to snap off and go rolling off my neck and onto the floor.

I needed to do SOMETHING. I tried massage, yoga, Tylenol, Naproxen, hot neck wraps, cold neck wraps, hot showers, more massage, relaxing self-talk, self-massage, stretching, walking, chocolate, cookies, booze—nothing helped. Everybody I knew who had pain or suffering said, go see Lori. The friend with a back so bad she walked hunched over like a very old woman, the dear man friend going through chemo, the dear woman friend with horrible pelvic floor distress, the retired nurse with bad knees, the coworker with a bad hip, all said, go see Lori Lee. I went today.

And I’m here to tell you that Lori Lee not only gives you acupuncture treatment, she gives you caring and she gives you comfort and she gives you a warmed bed and soft music, which Fossil Guy describes as “uneventful” but for me was “transporting” and she gives you 30 minutes of uninterrupted peace. I think that last bit is the best bit. When does a person get a half hour of lying on a warm bed in a quiet room with the lights dimmed and music playing? In my experience that is a very rare phenomenon. Maybe people like Paris Hilton and Elizabeth Taylor and Donald Trump pay thousands of dollars to go to spas for just such treatment, but the likes of you and me don’t often experience it. In my case, this costs me a measly, paltry $15! Good grief, who wouldn’t want to do this? Afraid of needles? Bosh! A little sting, less than a mosquito bite, less than a pinch, way less than a stubbed toe, far less than a paper cut, no comparison to a blood test. And after the needles are in, a blissful half hour to yourself! Go for it Boys and Girls! It’s the best $15 you’ll ever spend. Chiropractic and massage are okay, massage being nicer, I think, but this is Heaven on Earth. Those ancients knew what they were doing. I know, they bound their women’s feet, and there was Tiananmen Square and there have been other indignities to the Chinese people, but they did invent Acupuncture. The best thing since aspirin and it doesn’t upset your stomach.